Don’t Hate Me Because My Child Hits

We are going through a bit of a rough patch with Little Boy. It seems that he has turned into a bit of a thug. He really is the loveliest, friendliest, chattiest little thing, until another child gets into his vicinity, and then they will know about it.

I think his recent passport photos show off his thug side!

I think his recent passport photos show off his thug side!

They don’t have to be doing anything to provoke it, just standing near him is enough. He will smack them on the head, try to push them over and I’ve seen him take a few down by tackling him to the floor. Don’t get me wrong, he’ll make an excellent rugby player one day, but for now, no one wants to play with a bully.

When it happens I’m straight there to tell him off. I tell him it is not nice to hit, I point out that he has made the other child sad and I take him out of the situation for a time out for a minute or two. I then tell him again it’s not nice to hit and make him go and say sorry to the child he hit.

But the thing is, I don’t think it really is making any difference. He doesn’t get upset at being put in time out and the apology he slings at the other child is so carefree he might as well be telling them he doesn’t give a monkeys! He is only like it with children his age and a little bigger and he doesn’t care if it is a really small baby he hits, if they are in his way he’ll have them.

The girls never hit anyone, in fact they were the ones always getting hit so I remember how it feels to be the parent of the child that is hurt. I used to think all sorts of things about parents of children who hit. I used to think that the child must witness violence at home, that the parents must discipline with smacking themselves, even that they just have horrible children. It’s really hard to watch your child get hit when they are innocently playing so I know how it feels to be on the other side.

Now I also know how it feels to be on this side of it too. We don’t have a violent home, we don’t discipline by smacking and the rest of the time Little Boy is so lovely. I see the looks on people’s faces when he has made their child cry and I am sure that other mums in some of the toddler groups I go to hate me now. I’ve started to avoid going to places like this because of this. I’m not made to feel comfortable or welcome now. I can’t really talk to anyone anyway as I am always hovering around Little Boy to make sure he doesn’t hit someone.

He socialises with other children his age at nursery 3 mornings a week where he behaves quite well I am told so I’m not worried he’ll miss out on that interaction with other children,  but I am missing the interaction with other mums. I am feeling like a bit of an outcast – the parent of the naughty child, I know I am being talked about behind my back. It’s not a situation I am used to, and it’s not one I like, but I don’t know how else to avoid it, other than taking myself out of these situations.

This week and last week Little Boy and I had so much fun on our own, exploring places and spending time together which is great. It would just be nice if we could meet up with friends occasionally too. I have to hope that in time he will grow out of this phase and we’ll be able to socialise again. Until then it’s coffee dates just the two of us!

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I really wanted to write this post though because there must be others who feel like me, isolated because of other judgemental parents who don’t like your child’s behaviour. There must be other people out there too who think they are doing the best they can, but it just isn’t good enough. Holla to you mamas, keep strong and know that you are not alone. And if you see a mum like me, with a naughty child, give her a smile, don’t judge, it might be you one day.

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11 Comments

  1. Fiona Rennie
    November 9, 2016 / 10:16 am

    My son was exactly the same until recently, I used to dread going anywhere with him. I remember going on an Easter egg hunt where you had to look at big wooden eggs for clues and he would hit out at any other kids that came to look at the one he was at. Trying to explain to him that he had to share and that it wasn’t nice to hit other children made no difference. I also stopped going to baby groups and even meeting up with my oldest friend who is also a mum as he would hit out at her daughter too. He did seem to eventually grow out of it (although I’m still constantly on tenterhooks when we are out) but I defenitely can relate to how you feel x

  2. Hannah Lister
    November 9, 2016 / 9:28 pm

    Ahhh seriously I feel your pain. My eldest was aayizat dream and I also used to judge children and parents alike when their devil kids would hurt my angel child. Pfft how ignorant I was. 5 years in between them and it couldnt be more different. I’ve moved schools as he started to get labelled as the trouble maker. He used to hit out at anything but as he got older he only usually hits out when he feels there has been an injustice. I spoke to his teacher who said some children are sly and manipulative but some are black and white; and if you upset them you know about it! He actually said it’s a good quality to have but he has to learn the violence is unacceptable. He’s 7 now and so much better. He still gets into scrapes now and again and I think that will always be his nature but it has got better and I’m sure it will continue to. Good luck when he starts school

    • November 9, 2016 / 9:45 pm

      Yes how ignorant I was too! I’m glad your little boy is growing out of it too. What a shame he got labelled a trouble maker, I wish more parents would try to empathise.

  3. November 11, 2016 / 12:12 am

    I feel like I could have written this post. My boy is the golden child, my girl is the biter and hitter. She also doesn’t seem to give a flying f*ck about any punishment we dole out. We’ve talked until we’re blue in the face. I hate going to pick her up at school bc I feel like everyone is looking at me, thinking “There’s the mom. She must be terrible.” And I’ve been accused of being violent too… and I’m not 🙁 anyway, all this to say you’re not alone. Thank you for writing this.

    • November 13, 2016 / 8:54 am

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. It’s nice to know that we are not alone. I’m dreading when he starts school if he’s still the same. Big hugs to you x

  4. Julia Kay
    November 11, 2016 / 5:17 am

    Thank you for this post!! My son has a speech delay and he gets so frustrated if he can’t make himself understood right away that he hits. It’s increased a bit since he started school in August and he sees all he other kids who are understood immediately. But he’s also been working with a speech therapist and as the speech improves the hitting is definitely getting less!

    • November 13, 2016 / 8:53 am

      That’s good to hear. I hope it is something that improves with increased communication skills too. Hope your little boy continues to improve!

  5. November 12, 2016 / 2:58 pm

    It must be so difficult when your child hits, I have only ever had to deal with this once or twice and since my children have learnt but for others, it’s not the same. Keep working on it and remember, it’s all a phase!
    RachelSwirl recently posted…Doodles & Drawing With DerwentMy Profile

  6. November 15, 2016 / 8:49 pm

    This is such a common phase so please don’t worry over it. My oldest when through a stage of biting, it is horrible but it does pass . Anyone who talks about you behind your back is an idiot(I want to use a stronger word) one day it will be one of their children who hits/bites/pushes, x
    Emma Lofthouse-Burch recently posted…60 Festive Fun IdeasMy Profile

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