This is a question that has bothered me for a long time. My dad walked out on my mum when I was so young that I don’t remember. He wasn’t interested in me from the very beginning, which he made clear by pushing my mother down the stairs when she was pregnant. Nuff said.
He never gave her any money to speak of – £20 here and there towards christmas – and although we saw him once or twice a year, he was never the doting father and he never took us anywhere without my mother. My mother never once had a bad word to say about him and it was only when I reached 16 did I grow to realise just what a giant c”*k this man was (I could tell you many a story in support of this judgment but to be honest I can’t be bothered – just take my word for it). Needless to say I decided I didn’t want him in my life, and he therefore now isn’t in my life.
I can truly say that I am glad. I am glad he doesn’t know me, that he doesn’t know my children. One day when he inevitably dies, I can truly say that I won’t care. I don’t hate him, he is after all only a product of his own shi*ty upbringing. I am ambivalent. He is nothing to me. So why am I telling you this….
Last week we had a falling out with some of my hubby’s family. He is much more caring, more sensitive and generally nicer than me. He hates to argue and will be walked all over before he stands up for himself. Except this time he stuck up for himself (or rather our five year old daughter who was the brunt of some awful comments made by his so called family). I was of course delighted that he stood up for his daughter, and I think it was high time this particular person learnt how much her self-absorbed actions can hurt other people. But now of course we have a feud…and hubby is sad, despite everything he loves his family. This is hard for me to comprehend – I cannot love someone who is horrible to me just because they happen to be family.
I was accused as being the reason for him arguing back – he is ‘changed’ because of me. I have passed on my lack of regard for family ties. For me you see, family should be more there for you, be less horrible to you, and for me, I do not put any weight in the excuse that family can treat you like cr*p because they are family and ‘blood is thicker than water’.
I have worried that I have changed him from being nice and non-confrontational to being argumentative but I don’t really think that I have. For him you see blood is still thicker than water. The only reason he has argued with his family is because his daughter was insulted, and this blood connection triumphed over that one. Of course we will make it up with his family one day…as I say because for him blood is thicker than water, but I don’t know if this is a good thing or not.