You know the saying, when life gives you lemons, made lemonade?
Well, I feel like we are being inundated with life’s lemons at the moment and we have no time to make lemonade!
I’m usually a really happy, positive person. Don’t get me wrong, we have a happy lovely life mainly but lately we seem to have had a whole lot of rubbish to deal with and it’s finally starting to get me down.
Just before I found out that I was pregnant I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease – leading to subclinical hypothyroidism and then full blown hypothyroidism within a couple of months. If you aren’t familiar with the condition, it basically means that my thyroid gland has been attacked by my autoimmune system and it is dying. You can’t live without your thyroid, or more specifically without the hormone that it produces so this is quite a serious situation to be in. Luckily we live in a modern country with a fantastic NHS who have prodded and poked and tested me for the last few months in order to balance my thyroxine levels with medication and it seems to have balanced out for now but it does mean daily medication for the rest of my life, not great at only 36 years old. It also meant for a very stressful start to my pregnancy as hypothyroidism can result in miscarriage or birth defects.
Also just before I found out that I was pregnant I had a rather big falling out with my mother. I won’t go into the details here but suffice to say that she was very nasty towards me and our relationship has completely broken down, to the point where I can’t see that we will ever see each other or speak again. We never had a brilliant relationship to start with, but over the last 12 years I housed her and supported her financially and to have it thrown back in my face was a kick in the teeth to say the least. The only lemonade to come out of this situation is that life is a lot more peaceful without her constant moaning and criticism.
Interestingly, my mother in law took my mother’s side in our disagreement. I say interestingly, because my mother had not one nice word to say about my mother in law, ever, which we always tried to cover up. And cover it up we did well it would seem. In 12 years I have never said a cross word to my mother in law, never spoken out of turn and always turned a blind eye when she did something with the children that I disagreed with. I hosted her every week when she wanted to see the children, she gave us next to no help with childcare or support. She stood by the mothers of her other grandchildren when they split up from her sons, but when it was my turn to need some support, she completely betrayed me. We are still speaking (barely) but only for the sake of my husband and our relationship will never be the same again either.
The latest thing to fall apart is the health of our precious little pug Lexi. She has just been diagnosed with a tumour in her sinus cavity. It’s quite big and we are currently awaiting the biopsy results that will tell us if it is cancerous or not. Either way it means a large operation to remove it, and potentially radiation or chemotherapy. I just feel like it’s so unfair, she is so precious to us and to have this happen to her when she is so young is devastating. There’s always a straw to break the camel’s back and I think this is it.
I’m just at a time in my life when I want to relax and enjoy the third trimester of my last pregnancy but there is just so much going on, so much stress and drama that it feels like I can’t do that. Add to that the continued house renovations, Christmas that needs planning and just raising three children and I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed, deflated and generally down in the dumps. It annoys me so much because I just want to be happy. I want everyone to be well and to live an uneventful life. I want to curl up and hide and be woken up when it’s all over, when we have a happy ending. Because I really hope we’ll have one.
I’m sorry for the moany post, I just had to put it out there honestly how things are at the moment, normal service will resume shortly.