Love languages are a popular way to understand how people give and receive love in all kinds of situations, from romantic relationships to friendships to family relations to self-care. Dr. Gary Chapman first talked about the 5 love languages in the 1990s. They quickly became a common way to talk about everything from pop culture to mental health.
Yet, you may have heard a new question in the last few years: Are there really now seven love languages?
With the rise of relationship coaches, social media, and changing emotional needs, some people have suggested adding more ways to connect and feel valued to the list. So, what is the truth? Are there five or seven love languages? Is it really that important?
What Are the 5 Original Love Languages?
In 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman initiated the concept of love languages in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. His central argument was profoundly simple: different people experience love in different ways, and understanding and using your partner's "language" can help you connect with them on a deeper level and avoid arguments.
When you and your partner both learn each other's "love languages," you will be able to express and receive love in a much more meaningful and fulfilling way.
5 Love language list
- Words of Affirmation
The foundation of this love language is the use of words to convey feelings of warmth and gratitude. Saying something genuine, like "I love you" or "I am proud of you," can mean a lot to someone whose primary language of love is words. The genuineness of your words matters more than their precise wording.
- Acts of Service
Some people believe that actions carry more weight than words. Acts of service are thoughtful gestures that ease someone's burden or show you're thinking of them. This could be making coffee in the morning, doing the dishes without being asked, or helping with a project. These small acts say, "I care enough to support you."
- Receiving Gifts
Here, materialism plays no role, contrary to what most people think. A gift is a concrete expression of care and affection for the person whose love language is this one. It might be anything from a small, meaningful note to a beloved snack. There is more emphasis on thoughtfulness and purpose than on price.
- Quality Time
Paying full attention is the way to show love in this situation. Those who cherish quality time report feeling loved the most when they are able to give their undivided attention to the person they care about, whether that is through conversation, sharing, or simply being there. Quality, rather than quantity, is what matters most: purposeful, concentrated moments of connection.
- Physical Touch
Some people find that physical touch conveys the deepest feelings of love. Intimacy, holding hands, snuggling, a light touch on the shoulder, and embracing are all parts of this love language. Unlike words or presents, physical touch can bring people together and make them feel safe.
How Were the Seven Love Languages Originated?
New versions of the 5 love languages have begun to circulate online, particularly on social media sites like TikTok and Instagram, although the originals are still commonly used in relationship counseling, coaching, and self-help groups.
The classic five may have missed some of the modern range of human experiences of love and emotional connection, according to these more recent readings. However, is there any truth to the seven love languages, and where did the concept of them originate?
In the past few years, therapists, influencers, and relationship coaches have started to talk about new love languages based on changing emotional needs. This is especially true now that people are more aware of mental health and digital communication.
A lot of people like the idea, not because it takes away from the original five but because it makes our emotional connections more complex and nuanced in today's world.
The two more love languages that are being talked about
1. Shared Experiences
For this proposed love language, doing things together, especially new or meaningful ones, like traveling, taking a class, or working together to reach a goal, is a big part of getting closer. It might sound like quality time, but the goal is not just to be present; it is more about making memories and trying new things together.
2. Emotional Security or Reassurance
This one is about the need for reliable support, loyalty, and emotional and verbal safety. You can make someone feel emotionally safe by saying or doing things like "I am not going anywhere" or "You are safe with me," or by checking in with them over and over. This kind of love is important for many, especially those who have difficulty forming attachments.
Are these really new love languages, or are they just extensions of the old ones?
This is where people offer differing views. According to some, these newer love styles are not really different love languages but rather changes or mixes of the first five. For example:
- Shared experiences may fall under quality time or acts of service.
- Verbal affirmations or physical touch that show emotional presence can be linked to emotional reassurance.
And finally, the words we use to describe how we give and receive love should not be boxes but tools. If identifying with a "new" love language makes someone feel seen, then it may be doing its job, even if it is not recognized by experts.
So, Are There 5 or 7 Love Languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman's original five love languages continue to be an approachable and useful framework for understanding the emotional needs of relationships from a psychological perspective. Some of the most common ones are receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. These five are still used a lot in therapy, coaching, and communication work because they help people see themselves and others more clearly.
That being said, human connection is intricate, and not everyone can be neatly categorized into those five categories. Over time, people have articulated supplementary requirements, especially those seeking a deeper emotional connection, that the initial model does not always satisfactorily address. There are two more recent expressions that have become prevalent in discussions:
- Shared Experiences - The most profound sense of connection is experienced when individuals collaborate to create memories or achieve goals.
- Emotional Reassurance - Requiring verbal security, check-ins, and consistent emotional presence
Although these are not necessarily "new" love languages, it is important to note that they do bring out details that the original framework might have missed. A lot of people, especially those who have had bad relationships in the past, neurodiversity, or insecure attachment styles, may connect with emotional reassurance or structure around consistency more than with physical touch or verbal affirmation.
So, are there five or seven love languages? Technically, the classical model includes five. Some professionals also talk about 7 love languages. However, in reality, it is beneficial to have less of an interest in labeling and more of a focus on assisting partners in recognizing, communicating, and honoring their emotional needs, regardless of the form those needs may take.
It is not important how many love languages there are in the end. Because healthy love is about making connections that make people feel safe, understood, and important.
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