It wouldn't be unfair or insulting to say that many parents experience stress. Is that due to their own parental failing? Not at all. Is it because their children are somehow flawed? Of course not. It's just that raising a brand new person from scratch is a tough ask. Moreover, not everyone's experience is the same. For example, some parents must manage an early life diagnosis, or conform to the special needs of their little one.
As such, parental life is a very intense challenge, but most would agree it's among the most valuable thing you could ever do with your life. After all, what matters more on the planet than the wellbeing of your child?
This is nice in theory, but when you're suffering from a prolonged lack of sleep, when you've been trying to keep on top of everything, and you haven't had a break for weeks, it's easy for even the most well-meaning person to feel tired of being stressed.
However, parenting isn't solely about stress. In this post, we hope to help you rejuvenate your joy.
Everyone Is Imperfect
First, you genuinely do have to let go of the idea that anything less than perfection is not acceptable. As far as we can tell, there have been zero perfect parents in the entirety of the history of the world. That's because it's impossible to be a perfect parent. But you can be a loving one who strives to do their best, who isn't afraid to communicate when they're having a tough time, and is willing to embrace imperfection from time to time.
That might mean if you're currently struggling to implement methods for which your child will willingly go to sleep at night, that's okay. You'll get there, and just keep trying minor changes until it works, making certain that a routine, firm boundaries, and playtime to tire them out are the basics you implement. Embracing imperfection also means not wasting so much energy criticizing yourself throughout the day. Odds are, you're doing way better than you think you are.
Celebrate Those Small Wins
Parenting can be a thankless task for the most part. A child doesn't really understand the amount of work you put in for them, and of course, we wouldn't expect them to thank us daily even if they did. It was our choice to become parents, and usually, we accept a certain set of responsibilities to make that work.
But that doesn't mean you can't celebrate the small wins. Perhaps your child is doing well in their spelling classes. Maybe they love being read to each night. Perhaps they've gotten quite good at the morning school run (trust us, most parents would love for this to be the case).
There are little areas where you no doubt thrive as a parent, and it's good to give yourself credit for those. Also remember that every child develops at their own rate, and so don't compare your own child or parental style to another parent. Maybe another parent is happy to have their toddler's ears pierced, but you don't think that's right. Staying true to your own outlook can help you have more confidence in your decisions and feel thankful you get to make them.
Self-Care How You Can
It's wise to commit to self-care to the degree that you can. That's easier said than done when you have a little one to look after. But there are still opportunities - perhaps thirty minutes for a nap in the afternoon after laying your baby down for their own, eating a healthy and nutritious meal in the evening, or soaking in the bath once the kids have gone to bed.
Little top-ups like this can help you feel your best. Moreover, like with parenting, it's just about doing the best you can, when you can. This is not always easy to accomplish, but putting yourself first from time to time is crucial. After all, how can you look after yourself if you're frayed at all the edges and have zero energy?
This might sometimes rely on asking for help from others. For example, having your own parents look after their grandchild while you go for a meal with your partner can be a nice change of pace, a monthly date to look forward to, and something you can feel a sense of relaxation about.
Many proponents of self-care habits will tell you to bake them into your schedule, to constantly make sure you have at least one means of relaxation per day. The truth is that parenthood is unpredictable, and plans change. Moreover, if you're failing to meet a self-care routine as well as you could, you begin to feel stressed about that too.
Instead, consider trying the "how you can, when you can" method. This lessens your sense of stress and obligation and means every break from your responsibilities feels like a calm oasis.
Enjoy The Joy Of Childhood
One of the most beautiful things about having children is you get to vicariously re-live your childhood through your little one. There's something beautiful about that fresh, innocent perspective on the world that we tend to lose as adults.
For example, showing them your favorite age-appropriate movies and seeing their eyes light up, playing and singing with them on the weekend, teaching them the basics and messy fun of baking cookies, heading to local play events, or being friends with local parents, these little things help life as a parent feel so much more comforted than they would otherwise.
Of course, we're still parents, choreographing and orchestrating this fun. But there's fun to be had in getting involved and not being too concerned about how silly you look. You can also enjoy the love of shared gifts such as beautiful plushies, or childhood toys that will be cherished throughout the years. Don't feel bad about getting involved, children grow up so quickly so letting them be children as long as possible is almost always a good idea.
If You're Struggling, Talk About It
There's a sense that if you're not firing on all cylinders as a parent, there's something distinctly wrong with how you're managing it. But that's not always the case. Maybe you just need a little help, or to talk a little more. Perhaps you're expected to do everything yourself, and you need more help from your partner.
Unfortunately, it's rare that any change will be experienced if you fail to talk about it. Sometimes, that means being a little more stern about your partner holding up their side of the responsibilities. Sometimes, you might ask your parent to help you with car rides from time to time. Too many parents think asking for help defines them as weak, but it's anything but.
If you're struggling, it's simply wise to talk about it. This in itself can alleviate your stress but also helps you see there's no shame in having a tough time. We all do at some point in our lives, and as said earlier, the rigors of parenthood can affect anyone, no matter how much experience they might have. Speaking about issues we're having can feel like such a massive weight off our chest, and that in itself is a good thing.
Get The Fundamentals Right
Parenthood can be a complex and often demanding responsibility, but it's also easy to overcomplicate it. You don't have to review every instruction you give your child for how it might shape them as a person twenty years later, after all. You just do your best with what you have right now.
So, there are a few measures to get right. Make sure your child is well-fed, gets good sleep, undergoes a good hygiene regimen, is taught how to do incrementally more tasks for themselves, setting boundaries for good behavior, bringing them to school and listening to teacher feedback, and curating a healthy household. All of that put together is enough, without necessarily worrying about the exact kind of character they'll grow or the million little influences you could have throughout the day.
This helps you avoid the perfectionist idea as discussed above, but it also helps you see your little one as a child more than a project to perfect. After all, children have their own little personalities that are all too happy to show themselves, so simply getting the fundamentals right, as well as caring for any health or developmental concerns, is key.
Parenting Tends To Get Easier
As we get older and more experienced, as our children become more independent and stronger, we tend to get more of a break. For this reason, remember that tough times are usually temporary. That's not always the case of course, but in general it's true enough to make such a statement with relative certainty. So, if you're having a tough time now, just keep going. Odds are you'll learn much from the experience, and there's joy in that.
With this advice, we hope you can reconnect with the love of parenting despite having a tough time now.
Leave a Reply