Dealing with the break-up of a long term relationship can be extremely difficult. Your lives would have been intertwined. Your friends became their friends and vice versa, maybe you loved their family, not to mention the house you probably lived in together. When a break-up happens, you can be left with an intense feeling of loss. This can happen whether or not you were the one to initiate the break-up. It makes no difference, you are going to have to get used to a new normal, and that is not easy for anyone. When a break-up happens, you need to start thinking differently and looking after yourself. You are no longer an ‘Us’ you are a ‘you’ an individual entity, and being alone can be a huge struggle if you are not used to it. There is no doubt that you are going to go through a whole myriad of emotions, like sadness, grief, loneliness and confusion. There is even the possibility you feel relief which in itself can be confusing. Whatever you feel and whatever happened in the relationship makes no difference now, you have to move on for your own sake.
Get To Know Yourself Again
Being single after a long time can be quite disorientating, and for that reason, you should give yourself some time to adjust. You are not just adjusting to physically being alone, but you need to adjust mentally. Perhaps, there were things in your relationship that you had to make compromises for, like listening to a particular band wherever you wanted because they didn’t like the music. Well, you are free now to do as you will. So, listen to whatever you want and find yourself again. Having space and time to think about your life and where ‘you’ want to be, not where ‘we’ want to be, can be quite exhilarating. It may be a good idea to avoid your ex for a while, while you adjust, as seeing them may make certain feelings arise. Giving yourself you-time is so important.
If you were not married but you did make a lot of concessions to be in that relationship, you may feel a bit cheated, especially if the relationship ended badly. Maybe you became a full-time Mother and had to quit a great job. You ended up living in your boyfriend’s house, but you didn’t technically own anything. If this is you, you may be entitled to more than you think. If you were living together as if you were married, that is one of the signs of a de facto relationship. This fact could mean you are owed something out of the assets. So don’t get angry. Discuss your options with a solicitor and see what can be done.
Go Out and Enjoy Yourself
You are free so you should make the most of it. Go out on as many social occasions as you can. You are not going to get oner something if you wallow in misery. You need to make new memories and meet new people. Getting out there a finding out who you are again. Just because you are single does not mean you are alone so enjoy yourself without having to worry about anyone else’s feelings.
This may sound like a bit of a cliche, but it really is something that works. First of all, in all likelihood, during your relationship, you got comfortable and didn’t take care of yourself perhaps as well as you should have. Well, let’s face it, that is not exactly healthy is it? Getting fit and living a healthier life is something everyone should be doing, but if you have gone through a break-up your life is changing anyway, and this is the perfect time to start getting fit. You should turn a negative into a positive by maximising on your reduced sense of self-esteem. Take the initiative and join a gym or a running group or something. Getting fit has so many benefits. You are bound to be feeling stressed as a result of the break-up, well exercise is a natural stress buster. Also, before long, you are going to be getting back out there and looking for someone new, so losing a few pounds can only be a good thing, eh?.
Don’t Set Time Limits
If you create a set amount of time to grieve the relationship, like two weeks or something, that is a great way to not get over the relationship properly. You need to have time to heal, so don’t go creating any five-year plans right now. Just grieve, start a new life and allow yourself to get over things naturally. The best way to move forward is to feel things, think above them, cry if you need to, allow the pain to heal and then move forward. Once you are on the other side, you will wonder what all the worrying was about.
Use the Relationship as a Education Tool
There is nothing like reality to teach you a lesson. If you want to know about something, you have to try it, and relationships are prime examples. Being with someone for a long time in an intimate relationship will teach you a lot about the other sex and people in general. Once the relationship has ended, you will find it easier to analyse both of your behaviours from the outside. You will see without emotion why someone was behaving in a certain way. Perhaps you realise that they or you were quite selfish, maybe one of you was really controlling, and now, after thinking about it, you could spot the signs if it happens again. When it comes to self-knowledge and understanding about life in general, there is no such thing as a bad relationship, even if it felt like it at the time. You will have developed many coping mechanisms, and you will have learnt, possibly the hard way, how manipulative other people can be. You will learn to never underestimate what people will do, and this can make you a much stronger person. Obviously, you can learn from the good things too, but perhaps it's the negative you will notice first when it comes to break-ups.